‘Negating negativity’ – how to deal with negative people
Sep 11, 2018 | Ebru Yildirim
Dealing with negativity in life is inevitable. When we step out in the world we are going to deal with ‘saboteurs’ of life, the ones that come to destroy the opportunity to reinvent our adult selves, and they come in different forms and faces. It is how we handle these situations that define our ability to make conscious choices in life: either by filling it up with negativity or positivity. It can be unbearably tough to deal with saboteurs—people who pull you down with their pessimism, anxiety, and distrust. Constant exposure these saboteurs can result to you either becoming negative—hesitant, uneasy, and doubting—yourself, or to become uncaring, insensible, or even harsh towards the negative person.
So, how to deal with negative people?
One approach to dealing with negativity is to understand the reasons behind the pessimism. Negativity comes down from the roots of three deep-seated fears; 1) the fear of being disrespected, 2) the fear of being unloved, and 3) the fear that “terrible things” are bound to happen.
Dealing with negativity entails humility. The difficulty of dealing with negativity suggests that there is a seed of negativity in you as well. Realizing that you must work on your own negativity will help you gain the positivity to counter its opposite.
Here are a few advice on dealing with negativity;
1. Remember that your emotions do not define you.
Instead of getting swept away by negative emotions, observe your emotional experience with curiosity. Take a moment to observe the physical sensations of these emotions in your body.
• Where do you feel the sensations most strongly?
• What are the qualities of these sensations? (e.g. Tension, movement, heat, …)
• How are the sensations changing over time?
Notice when new sensations come into focus, and existing sensations go away. Focusing on the physical sensations of your negative emotions helps you observe them objectively. After all, you are not your anger or frustration. You just happen to be experiencing those emotions.
2. Realize how temporary these negative emotions are.
All emotions, thoughts, and feelings are passing; they only last momentarily and fades away in the remnants of time. You only need to witness and perceive your emotions for a short period of time to comprehend their temporary nature.
3. Acknowledge your power over negativity.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
When you have a sound inner knowing, it’s clear that your actions always come from a conscious choice. Being able to make conscious choices means possessing a power over your saboteurs and knowing how much capacity you are more than what negativity tells about you.
Negativity is bound to enter throughout your lifetime. Sometimes other people will drive negativity upon you and other times, you’ll discover negativity rising in you. However, accept the presence of negativity with nonjudgmental awareness instead of letting it control your understanding. Negating negativity is no easy task but once you overcome the process and manage to handle it, you can differentiate the saboteurs from the inner knowing that indicates a positive aura.
As a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach® (PCC, CPCC, ORSC, NLP), my approach to life coaching aims to balance the 'being' and the 'doing' through deep-connection. As a life coach in Dubai, I aspire to create the channel to your source of a happy life by utilising various assessment tools. In my transformational journey, finding my life purpose brought so much clarity to my being and actions.