How To Commit In A Relationship
Sep 04, 2018 | Ebru Yildirim
We are not born knowing how to have a conscious relationship. Finding the rhythm in a relationship is a huge challenge. Scanning our feelings, body senses, and thoughts would give us awareness about an inner voice. With that awareness, we can acknowledge what’s happening in us and in our relationships, which would lead us making some conscious choices, and that would result in forwarding the action. It’s a step-by-step process.
It is all about that consistency we all yearn for, which comes only from true commitment. It starts with a desire. Each person must want it and be willing to shift the way we perceive ourselves, the person we will commit in a relationship with, and the way we view relationship altogether.
There are different stages of couple relationships, and as far as I’m concerned, the ones prior to commitment are;
1- Readiness: This stage relates to singles, them having a clear vision of what they require, need and want. It’s more of developing clarity to create a relationship with intention. In singles coaching, as a life coach in Dubai, I develop a relationship plan based on their values, dreams, passions, and needs.
2- Attraction: This is the yin-yang part of the relationship; clicking with certain people. We need to come from a place of knowing what we need and have at the essence of a relationship - who can meet our expectations and how we need to show up in the world for that to happen. Having a clear relationship plan becomes handy at this stage.
3- Pre-commitment: That’s when two singles become a couple, prior to deciding to become committed. Some considerations at this stage are; by being in a certain type of relationship, am I setting myself up for failure, is this a good choice, or is this the right relationship for me?
4- Premarital: Couples decide to become committed, yet they still might have some fears to overcome. They need to make good choices so that; they can set themselves up for a successful marriage.
At this stage, to identify what we really need, we can take one easy step forward and start asking ourselves some meaningful questions; the type of questions that would evoke thinking and help to identify what we are holding at the core of any form of a relationship, including the one between us and ourselves. That would open some doors to us about what we are not even aware of.
Here is a list of thought starter questions to reflect on;
• What do I want and need?
• What’s real about this relationship?
• What’s my intention?
• What’s important to me?
• What’s holding me back?
• What am I scared of?
• How would it look like if I take that step forward?
Having a heart-to-heart chat with our partner about how we feel and what we are afraid of would shift things. It would bring more empathy to the relationship and enable us to expand our range of being and doing. When two people come together, something else shows up which has its own intelligence. In Relationship Systems Coaching, we call it; The Third Entity™ (the soul of the relationship). Relationship systems is a process in which a coach participates with all the individuals in a system (couples, family, teams etc.) at the same time to consciously create a powerful intentional right relationship. This way coach and the individuals in the relationship can see 'what's actually trying to happen', from a resourceful, equipped, and more-than-empathetic perspective and act upon it.