Role Of Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships

May 21, 2022 | Ebru Yildirim

It's natural for people to seek out contact and relationships, as well as love, support, and comfort from others. One of the main forces that motivates people is the desire to belong. From an evolutionary standpoint, cultivating and maintaining strong relationships has both survival and reproductive benefits. After all, the majority of us have a desire for closeness and intimacy in our lives. Love and relationships, however, are rarely as perfect and problem-free as we wish. What is Attachment Theory? Attachment theory has a long history of being used as a research foundation. The first step is to learn the fundamentals and become familiar with the various attachment styles. According to John Bowlby, a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, one's relationship with their parents as a child has a lasting impact on their social, intimate, and even professional relationships. Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s. The following adult attachment styles were identified based on his theory:

Secure
Anxious-preoccupied
Avoidant-dismissive
Fearful-avoidant

Secure People with secure attachment are more likely to feel safe, stable, and satisfied in their close relationships because they are empathetic and can set appropriate boundaries. While they are not afraid of being alone, they do best in close, meaningful relationships. A person with a secure attachment style is comfortable expressing emotions openly. Adults who have a secure attachment style can rely on their partners and, in turn, can rely on their partners. Honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness are the foundations of relationships. The secure attachment personality thrives in relationships and are not reliant on their partners' responsiveness or approval, and they have a positive outlook on themselves and others. Anxious-Preoccupied An ambivalent attachment style also known as "anxious-preoccupied," "ambivalent-anxious," or simply "anxious attachment" is characterized by excessive neediness. People with this attachment style are often anxious, unsure, and lacking in self-esteem, as the labels suggest. They crave emotional intimacy but are afraid that others will reject them. An anxious adult frequently looks to their partner for approval, support, and responsiveness. People with this attachment style place a high value on their relationships, but they are frequently concerned that their partner is not as invested as they are. There is a strong fear of abandonment, and safety is a top priority. The “remedy” for anxiety appears to be the partner's attention, care, and responsiveness. The anxious-preoccupied type, on the other hand, may become more clingy and demanding, preoccupied with the relationship, and desperate for love in the absence of support and intimacy. Avoidant-Dismissive Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are the polar opposite of ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied adults. Instead of craving intimacy, they try to avoid emotional connection with others because they are afraid of it. They would rather not rely on others or be reliant on others. These individuals have high self-esteem and a positive outlook on life. The dismissive-avoidant personality believes that being in a relationship isn't necessary to feel complete. They don't want to rely on others, or have others rely on them, or rely on social bonds for support and approval. Adults who have this attachment style tend to avoid emotional intimacy. When confronted with an emotionally charged situation, they also tend to hide or suppress their feelings. Fearful-Avoidant Fearful-avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized/disoriented attachment, stems from intense fear, which is often the result of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. Adults with this type of insecure attachment believe they are unworthy of love or intimacy in a relationship. In their social relationships, the disorganized type is prone to erratic and ambiguous behavior. Adults with this attachment style frequently experience both desire and fear in their partners and relationships. People who are fearful and avoidant want intimacy and closeness, but they have trouble trusting and relying on others. They have trouble regulating their emotions and avoid strong emotional attachments because they are afraid of being hurt. If you or your romantic partner has an insecure attachment style, it's important to know that you don't have to live with the same attitudes, expectations, or patterns of behavior for the rest of your lives. As an adult, you can change your attachment style and develop a more secure attachment style. Working one-on-one with a therapist or in relationship coaching with your current partner can be extremely beneficial. A therapist who is familiar with attachment theory can help you make sense of your past emotional experiences and increase your sense of security, whether you are alone or in a couple.